Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Male

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What can a bird do that a man can't?
A. Whistle through its pecker.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.

Q. Why did God put men on earth?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q. Why don't women have men's brains?
A. Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q. What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A The man

Q. What do a vagina, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Q. Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A. Because so many men fake foreplay.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, men will screw anything.

Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A. So oxygen can get to their brains.

Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. What men know about women.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. The good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

On the Second day God says to Adam, "I have some good news... and some bad news." Adam responds, "Well tell me the good news first"
"Alright my son, the good news is I will give you both a brain and a penis... the bad news is I'm only going to give you enough blood to run one at a time"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. What is the thickest book in the world?
A. "What Men Think They Know About Women"

Q. What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
A. I don't know, I've never seen either one.

Q. Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A. They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.

Q. What's a man view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard or fluffy handcuffs.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because their mother told them not to play with strangers.

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the sh*t out of you.

Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like.....Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.