How to Shower Like a Woman...

--Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

--Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

--Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

--Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

--Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

--Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

--Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

--Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

--Shave armpits and legs.

--Turn off shower.

--Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

--Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

--Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

--If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man...

--Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

--Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your privates at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

--Get in the shower.

--Wash your face

--Wash your armpits.

--Blow your nose aiming for the drain.

--Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

--Shampoo your hair.

--Make a shampoo mohawk.

--Take a whiz.

--Rinse off and get out of shower.

--Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

--Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

--Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your privates at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

--Throw wet towel on bed.