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Off-Topic >> Comedy Shop

FlaMommy
Storm Tracker


Reged: Fri
Posts: 225
Loc: Tampa(Riverview), Florida
Re: Troubled marriage Part 2
      Sun Jul 31 2005 01:10 PM

MY DEAREST WIFE

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

--------------------
"Haven't thought of a witty one lately"

Post Extras Print Post   Remind Me!     Notify Moderator


Entire topic
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Cows & Politics Explained Jamiewx Sun Jul 31 2005 01:10 PM
. * * Trouble marriage Part 1 B.C.Francis   Sun Jul 31 2005 09:29 AM
. * * Re: Trouble marriage Part 2 FlaMommy   Sun Jul 31 2005 12:52 PM
. * * Re: Troubled marriage Part 2 B.C.Francis   Sun Jul 31 2005 01:08 PM
. * * Re: Troubled marriage Part 2 FlaMommy   Sun Jul 31 2005 01:10 PM
. * * Re: Troubled marriage Part 2 B.C.Francis   Sun Jul 31 2005 01:16 PM
. * * Re: Troubled marriage Part 2 Heather   Sun Jul 31 2005 02:11 PM
. * * Husband Shopping Center Jamiewx   Sun Jul 31 2005 10:31 PM
. * * Re: Husband Shopping Center B.C.Francis   Mon Aug 01 2005 07:30 AM
. * * The Perfect Gift FlaMommy   Mon Aug 01 2005 12:38 PM
. * * Re: The Perfect Gift FlaMommy   Mon Aug 01 2005 12:42 PM
. * * Old age B.C.Francis   Mon Aug 01 2005 01:40 PM
. * * Re: Old age FlaMommy   Mon Aug 01 2005 02:59 PM
. * * GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Mon Aug 01 2005 03:00 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Mon Aug 01 2005 03:41 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Mon Aug 01 2005 04:30 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Heather   Mon Aug 01 2005 06:46 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Mon Aug 01 2005 07:26 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 11:38 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Serino   Sun Sep 11 2005 12:29 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 11:39 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 11:40 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 11:41 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 08:29 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Somebody   Tue Aug 02 2005 08:51 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Wed Aug 03 2005 08:59 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! TAZMAN   Wed Aug 03 2005 10:06 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Wed Aug 03 2005 01:25 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Wed Aug 03 2005 03:33 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Wed Aug 03 2005 03:49 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Storm Cooper   Wed Aug 03 2005 08:06 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Wed Aug 03 2005 11:50 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Thu Aug 04 2005 08:43 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Thu Aug 04 2005 08:47 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Thu Aug 04 2005 08:59 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Thu Aug 04 2005 10:47 AM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! B.C.Francis   Fri Aug 05 2005 03:51 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Heather   Fri Aug 05 2005 06:01 PM
. * * EQUAL TIME for the fellas... LI Phil   Fri Aug 05 2005 08:25 PM
. * * Re: EQUAL TIME for the fellas... B.C.Francis   Sat Aug 06 2005 08:44 AM
. * * Re: EQUAL TIME for the fellas... FlaMommy   Sat Aug 06 2005 11:56 AM
. * * Re: EQUAL TIME for the fellas... FlaMommy   Sat Aug 06 2005 11:57 AM
. * * Rules Men Wish Women Knew B.C.Francis   Sun Aug 07 2005 11:21 AM
. * * Re: Good Clean Joke....lol FlaMommy   Tue Aug 09 2005 10:38 AM
. * * Stroke B.C.Francis   Tue Aug 09 2005 04:43 PM
. * * Re: I MISSED U GUYS... FlaMommy   Thu Aug 11 2005 11:37 AM
. * * Re: I MISSED U GUYS... FlaMommy   Thu Aug 11 2005 11:40 AM
. * * Re: EQUAL TIME for the fellas... B.C.Francis   Sat Aug 06 2005 01:48 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! FlaMommy   Tue Aug 02 2005 09:11 PM
. * * Re: GOOD ONE!!! Storm Cooper   Tue Aug 02 2005 08:36 PM
. * * Re: Troubled marriage Part 2 FlaMommy   Sun Jul 31 2005 01:13 PM

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