1. The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire
2. Sex is like air. It`s not important unless you aren`t getting any.
3. Don`t be irreplaceable. If you can`t be replaced, you can`t be promoted.
4. No one is listening until you fart.
5. Always remember you`re unique. Just like everyone else
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares whether you`re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them , you`re a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don`t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10.Give a man a fish and he will eat for the day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 dollars and never see the person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don`t have to remember anything.
13. Don`t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgement comes from bad experience,and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
18. Experience is something you don`t get until just after you need it.