Q.> Why are hurricanes named after women?
A.> Because they arrive all wet and wild and when they
leave they take your house and your car.
Q.> Why are hurricanes named after men?
A.> Because they're noisy, make a huge mess, and if you
look into their eyes there's nothing there.
Ed.Note: They are however called HURricanes and not HISricanes...
Q. whats the difference between hurricane bonnie and hurricane monica?
A. hurricane monica blew a crooked path
A. hurricane bonnie induced only one surge (vs 18)
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hang on to your nuts - this isn't going to be a regular blow job!
Q: What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane
in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
A man once asked his friend the difference between a cyclone, A hurricane
and a divorced wife.
Nothing, They all get the house.
What do anabolic steroids and Hurricane Gilbert have in common?
They make Jamaicans run like hell.
H U R R I C A N E S U R V I V A L Q U I Z
1. How are hurricane's names selected?
a. Named after Congressmen who are full of hot air
b. Names of spouses are submitted by divorced people
c. Page 824 in Miami's phone book
d. Hurricanes don't care what you call them
2. What do they call the most severe hurricane?
a. Category 5
b. Red Alert
d. HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
3. If a hurricane Guido, with wind speeds of 104 MPH leaves the
Northwest African coast on Wednesday at 7:04 AM and is traveling
West at 16 MPH and hurricane Isabel, with wind speeds of 93 MPH
leaves Key West at 24 MPH on Thursday at 11:32 AM; when would
a. Tuesday at 3:18 PM, but their luggage would be in Paris
b. Never, Isabel doesn't want to have anything to do with a
blowhard like Guido
c. Never, Guido said that there's no place for Isabel to stop
and ask directions; she'll probably end up in Rio
d. Trick question - hurricanes don't depart from Key West
4. You're flying in a small, single engine plane. You look up and
see a hurricane directly ahead. What's the first thing that
enters your mind?
a. It's got the right of way! It's got the right of way!
b. This is the last time I fly no-frills
c. I can't believe she's going to get EVERYTHING now!
d. I gotta change my shorts!
e. The windshield
5. A hurricane is dangerous if...
a. you get in it's way
b. it's had a REALLY bad day
c. you try to stop it to ask directions
d. you do not yield right of way
6. How do forecasters know a hurricane is coming?
a. Hurricanes ALWAYS leave a forwarding address
b. They have REALLY good binoculars
c. Hurricanes LOVE the beach
d. They send out a bunch of small boats and plot the sinkings
7. How can you protect your house in the event of a hurricane?
a. Sell it - QUICK
b. Bury it and dig it up later
c. Cover it with leaves and pretend it's a big bush
d. Two words -- Duct tape
8. What is the first thing you should do if a hurricane is confirmed
to be heading in your direction?
a. Check your supplies for the big hurricane party
b. Air drop a roadmap, of another area, into the eye
c. Put out all your trash for immediate air disposal
d. Begin drawing plans for the new house you will soon be building
9. What should you NOT do if a hurricane is coming?
a. Begin those remodeling plans you've been putting off
b. Put the cat or dog out (unless on a LONG leash)
c. Cancel your homeowner's insurance
d. Go on a picnic, to the beach
10. When is it a good time to evacuate your home?
a. When the water level reaches the roof
b. When your in-ground swimming pool becomes airborne
c. Shortly after your roof is declared a UFO
d. When people ask how you constructed a home without outer walls
11. Where should you evacuate?
a. A nearby lowland to wait out the floods
b. A tall location, like on top of a radio tower or one of
Florida's many mountain tops
c. Anywhere that has a happy hour and free munchies
d. Out to sea on a small craft
12. Why should you NOT stay close to the beach?
a. All the best spots are probably taken
b. Track in too much sand
c. Cooler keeps blownin' away
d. Hard to stay put under the 50'
Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to stay with you.
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
3. Days off from work.
1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!