Current Radar or Satellite Image

Flhurricane.com - Central Florida Hurricane Center - 25 Years Tracking StormsHurricanes Without the Hype! Since 1995


The 2020 Atlantic Hurricane Season begins on June 1st, 2020 and runs until November 30th, 2020.
Days since last H. Landfall - US: Any 210 (Dorian) , Major: 541 (Michael) Florida - Any: 541 (Michael) Major: 541 (Michael)
None
COMMUNICATION
STORM DATA
CONTENT
FOLLOW US
ADS
Login to remove ads

 


Off-Topic >> Comedy Shop

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
biochic
Registered User


Reged: Thu
Posts: 2
Loc: Ocala, FL
How to shower like a woman
      #47520 - Thu Aug 11 2005 12:05 PM

How to Shower Like a Woman...

--Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

--Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

--Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

--Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

--Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

--Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

--Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

--Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

--Shave armpits and legs.

--Turn off shower.

--Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

--Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

--Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

--If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man...

--Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

--Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your privates at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

--Get in the shower.

--Wash your face

--Wash your armpits.

--Blow your nose aiming for the drain.

--Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

--Shampoo your hair.

--Make a shampoo mohawk.

--Take a whiz.

--Rinse off and get out of shower.

--Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

--Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

--Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your privates at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

--Throw wet towel on bed.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
B.C.Francis
Storm Tracker


Reged: Sat
Posts: 322
Loc: Indiatlantic Florida
Code word for sex [Re: biochic]
      #47591 - Thu Aug 11 2005 07:46 PM

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it, They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, " Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.
The child told her mother what her dad said,and her mom responded," Tell your your daddy that he can`t type a letter right now cause theres a red ribbon in the typewriter. The child went back to tell her father what her mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, " Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father,returned to her mother and announced," Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
FlaMommy
Storm Tracker


Reged: Fri
Posts: 225
Loc: Tampa(Riverview), Florida
Re: Code word for sex [Re: B.C.Francis]
      #48198 - Thu Aug 18 2005 10:17 AM

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate.
She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened... you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."
"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

Hey everyone looked like we need a joke. Hope everyone is well....have a great day.

Becky

--------------------
"Haven't thought of a witty one lately"


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
FlaMommy
Storm Tracker


Reged: Fri
Posts: 225
Loc: Tampa(Riverview), Florida
Re: Code word for sex [Re: FlaMommy]
      #48199 - Thu Aug 18 2005 10:18 AM

The owner of this drug store walks in to
find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

The owner asks the new clerk: "What's
with the guy over there by the wall?"

The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in
here this morning to get something for his cough.
I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I
gave him an entire bottle of laxative"

The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts:

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can!,
Look at him, he's afraid to cough."

--------------------
"Haven't thought of a witty one lately"


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1



Extra information
0 registered and 3 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  CFHC, Colleen A., danielw, RedingtonBeachGuy, Bloodstar, tpratch, cieldumort 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Rating:
Topic views: 5394

Rate this topic

Jump to

Note: This is NOT an official page. It is run by weather hobbyists and should not be used as a replacement for official sources. 
CFHC's main servers are currently located at
Hostdime.com in Orlando, FL.
Image Server Network thanks to Mike Potts and Amazon Web Services. If you have static file hosting space that allows dns aliasing contact us to help out! Some Maps Provided by:
Great thanks to all who donated and everyone who uses the site as well. Site designed for 800x600+ resolution
When in doubt, take the word of the National Hurricane Center