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90L crossing over Florida with flooding rains, strong winds and brief tornadoes/spouts. Next week eyes turn to W Gulf in active June pattern
Days since last H. Landfall - US: Any 288 (Idalia) , Major: 288 (Idalia) Florida - Any: 288 (Idalia) Major: 288 (Idalia)

Off-Topic >> Comedy Shop

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Storm Tracker

Posts: 371
Loc: Orlando, Florida
Hospitals why do I worry?
      #64266 - Wed Dec 14 2005 04:14 AM

The following comments were actually extracted from real patient charts in
real hospitals. Makes you wonder...

ACTUAL WRITINGS from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2 The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when
given an enema by mistake.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22. Skin: somewhat pale but present

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

"Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get"
- Robert A. Heinlein

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Re: Hospitals why do I worry? [Re: Jamiewx]
      #64267 - Wed Dec 14 2005 06:06 PM

LOL very good ,sounds like my local hospital.

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Storm Tracker

Posts: 331
Loc: Indiatlantic Florida
Moving back North after the Hurricanes diary [Re: Jamiewx]
      #64276 - Sun Dec 18 2005 11:37 PM

Dec.4 th..5:00 It started to snow. The first of the season & the wife & I took our hot buttered rum & sat by the window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees & covering the ground. It was beautiful.

Dec.9th..We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and I loved it. I did both our driveway & our sidewalk. Later, the snow plow came along & covered up our driveway with compacted snow from our street. He smiled & I waved back. I shoveled the driveway again

Dec.13th..The sun has melted most of our lovely snow. Oh well, I`m sure we`ll get a little more before this lovely winter is through.

Dec.14th..It snowed 8 inches last night & the temperature dropped to about 0. Shovelled the sidewalk & driveway agian, and the snowplow came by & did his same old trick again.

Dec.15th..Sold my BMW & bought a 4x4 Blazer, so we could get in the snow. Bought snow tires for my wifes car also.

Dec.18th..Fell on my ass on the ice in my driveway. $123.00 to the Chiropractor, but nothing was broken , thank god. Looks like the damn sky is getting darker again.

Dec.19th..Still cold, minus 5 this morning.Icy roads making for very tough driving.Slid into a gaurd rail with my wifes car. Probably $2,000 damage. She`s all pissed off.

Dec.20th..Had another 14 inches of the white crap last night. More shovelling in store for me today. That god damn snowplow came by twice.

Dec.22nd..We are assured of a white Christmas, because another 7 inches of that freakin white crap fell today and with the freezing weather , it won`t melt till August. I got all dressed up to go out & shovel that god damn crap again ( boots, jumpsuit, jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc). The minute I got outside , I had to take a dump.

DEC.24th..If I catch the son of a bitch that drives the snowplow, I`ll drag him through the snow by his *****. I think he hides around the corner & waits for me to finish shovelling, & then comes down the street 100 miles per hour & throws that freakin white crap everywhere.

Dec25th.. Merry Christmas, They predict 12 more inches of the freakin whitecrap tonight, Does anyone in Florida know how many shovelfuls of snow 12 inches is. To hell with santa, he doesn`t have to shovel this white crap.The snow plow driver came asking for a donation. I hit him with my ice axe. The doctors think he`ll live.

Dec28th.. We got a 11 more inches of that white crap last night. I must be going snow blind or have a severe case of depression, because the wife is beginning to look good to me.

Dec29th.. The toilet froze & the roof is starting to cave in.

Dec.30th..I `ve had it. I just torched the house and my wife and I are heading back to Florida.

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Weather Guru

Posts: 154
Loc: United States
Re: Moving back North after the Hurricanes diary [Re: B.C.Francis]
      #64290 - Sat Dec 24 2005 12:15 PM

I'm originally from up north. I can say there is a lot of truth to joke. I finally did get sick of it and moved here to Florida.

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of
thinking we were at when we created them"

..........Albert Einstein

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merry xmas [Re: LadyStorm]
      #64291 - Sat Dec 24 2005 05:26 PM

I Would like to wish every 1 at flh.com a merry xmas and a quiet new year!!

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